HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH

***Before this year closes out I'm going through everything.*****

BABY ANGEL

All little girls and little angels have dreams at some point in time.



Whether it's daydreaming or just wishful thinking both want their fairytale with the white picket fence.

However, this entry is about me tonight, this hour, this minute, this moment.



Sometimes I feel that I am living in a functional dream. I'm awake yet I'm still asleep pretending that all the illusional great things are truly happening.



Honestly, I know what love is and what love should be. Love is the most amazing feeling I have ever felt in my life and it has touched me in so many ways.



For instance, tonight. I literally took a walk in the freezing night, in the dark and without my glasses to my secret place where I retreat to think.



I use to go to the highest point in Billings, Montana to gather my thoughts but now that I am home again, I had to find my own place to go when I need to get away.



I admit that I am not perfect and that I have made mistakes and living with these regrets is like living with a permanent disease with no cure.



Yet I am still this baby angel, wanting, needing and praying for something to believe in. There is no pity in my book but a need for some compassion. That moment of sincere compassion would be paid back in full if only I had the opportunity to really spread my wings and love again.



I love life and life loves me back, but tonight my readers, I need to come clean. Here is my honesty and my heart for you to disect.



I have felt lost for the past few months and I emotionally sugar-coated my picture perfect smile with, "I am satisfied with this F*ck ed up Picasso painting of the ideal,anything."



Like plaid with stripes and stripes on a sickly zebra, my over -dramatic painting was drawn with washable Crayola crayons. Drawn, then posted, then washed away like a red wine spot in the latest Oxy clean commercial.




It's almost 2011 and I still have not found my stable ground. I am an over-achiever, yet under graduate of finding my fairytale. Like two swordsman in a jousting tournament, I am the only fighter till the end that gets stabbed, killed, then recognized for their honor. That is how I love then get hurt.



Problem is now? I am extremely tired and the wounds are taking longer to heal. No TLC could ever hide these scars or tattood impressions of what I use to believe in.



Amazingly, focusing on the cute baby angel picture you would think there would be some innocence to this entry.




Perhaps there is to some degree but that degree is comprable to limited cell phone minutes on a monthly plan. Basically there are no guarantees in love, life, money or ambition. This has been my rude awakening to "reality." For lack of a better term, " Welcome to my life."



So call me a "baby angel" if you must but I still have those immature visions of what "happy ever after," should be.

Never in my life did I for-see the pain that love could present.



Welcome to my truest BROKEN ANGELS> There is logic to my pain at this very moment.



When a baby angel is born with a true heart then their heart is always pure no matter how many heartaches they suffered.



Sadly the baby angel never gets to grow into the beautiful swan-like angel that they were profiled to be.

Gladly, the baby angel will remain the most symbolic angel of all angels.



The purest heart is like the interpenetrated soul of the unloved. Yet momentarily, the baby angel will always dream for their prince charming to come provide her with a blanket of "happy ever after."



Until that day may arrive, the baby angel will cry herself to sleep every night, waiting, dreaming and hoping that someone will finally hear her crying and then proceed to comfort her.



After the trust is established then the baby no longer cries and grows instantly into the next broken angel.

Every angel is a broken angel because they are not meant to have "happy-ever-afters."



If that were the case then there would be no need for any angels and then that would compromise all mankind who has ever had the courage to tell someone, "I Love You." AND truly mean it

ANGEL OF LOVE

As the angel flew away, her body felt life-less. Once again, she had trusted love and once again love had failed her.

Time was all she could account for as the tears fell like broken diamonds onto the darkened earth below.

Love imprisoned her in an hour-glass of hopeless despair, while the sand slowly sifted her soul.

This would be her last a final chance to love a mortal and she believed that love could save him.

A few months before the painful good-bye occurred, she remembered a touching conversation they had one evening.

The mortal wanted to know what love truly was.

Without hesitation, the angel looked deeply into his blue eyes and whispered, “I am love but I will tell you, show you and guide you, if you allow me to.”

“Love is the most powerful energy alive. Love can create miracles.” The angel said as she gently touched him on the arm. “Love is an unexplainable feeling.”
Although she could not give a precise definition of love, she closed her eyes and began to weep.

“I have loved once before and he left me broken. It has been many years since he departed and I still have a wounded wing for trusting him.” She said with a delicate smile. “I remember watching him sleep. Never did I witness something so peaceful and angelic even though he was a mortal.”

“Being an angel is not always easy. I save people and then they leave and so quickly once they are healed,” she spoke almost in a melodic voice while opening her wings almost as if she was going to fly away. “You are my last hope and my final chance to show that I have decent judgment.”

After telling her story the angel held him close and embraced the final moments they would share together.

Beyond broken for the third time, the angel flew to a sacred spot hidden within the mountains. The night sky embraced her as she removed a few feathers from her wings.

She held the feathers high and let the soft wind take them. As they blew away she whispered to herself, “Good-bye my love, good-bye.”

There were no more chances for the angel to love. Even though it is better to have lost then never to have loved at all, she still couldn’t accept the unbearable pain.

Not only will she have to live in pain for all eternity, she will now only have the story of how she became a broken angel. Love was no longer a beautiful entity, but the very blade that crucified everything she once believed in.

It's my first November and I will Live, Laugh and Love until the next one.

I WATCHED THIS MOVIE TONIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON IN LIFE. THIS TOUCHED HOME FOR ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

An Angel's Prayer

The angel closed her eyes as she slowly laid her head down on her pillow.

It felt like the coldest night of the year as she wrapped her body in the imaginary embrace that she longed for every night.

She took a deep breath, paused for a moment and then took another breath. Shivering in hopes of getting warm, she could feel a single tear form in the corner of her eye.

Trying to hold back her pain she sat up and whispered to herself. “Lord, please send me someone to love me. I can’t face another night yet another day. I long to feel needed and cherished."

With little faith she tilted her head down, exhaled and began to weep. Her hands were like ice while cupping her face as the tears began to fall.

Helpless to her emotions there was little she could do to comfort herself. The loneliness was wearing on her and the empty shadow of her silhouette reminded her that she was in fact, alone.

There was nothing left for her to do but pray, believe and surrender. After hours of grieving, she finally kneeled beside her bed and began to speak aloud.

“Will I ever love again and will anyone ever love me? I know I am broken but I am fixable. Time has not mended my wounds for my wounds will never fully heal until my pact is fulfilled.” She whispered gently, one word at a time. “My pact is to find another broken soul and then together, we can become whole again. I’m lost and no one has found me although I have been searching for that one angel, that one “broken” angel.

As the morning grew closer she became tired and fell asleep hunched over the end of the bed, almost in a fetal position.

When the sun began to shine through the small opening in the curtains, she slowly opened her eyes.

Without knowing why, she glanced over at a shiny object on her bed. Without knowing what it was she picked it up. It was a glass crystal heart. It was a little smaller than a baseball as she held it in the palm of her hand.

Not knowing how it got there she looked around the room and noticed some faint writing on her armoire mirror. She walked closer and closer and to her astonishment she read.” Here is the heart of a broken soul, night after night as pain took its toll. For this heart is yours and your heart is theirs, to let angels know I hear all their prayers.”

The angel closed the glass heart in her hand and brought it to her chest. There was no explanation for how the heart and message appeared but at this point, it no longer mattered. It was real and it happened.

Broken angels never fully heal and they will carry the burden of their broken hearts for many lifetimes until they are matched with their broken soul mate.

Until that time arrives, there are simple reminders that they are really not alone. Someone somewhere is hurting just as badly as they are. When the nights become unbearable, an angel must remember that another broken angel is praying too and almost in sync.

Patience in this matter is far more than a virtue. Just when she feels that she cannot hang on any longer, she will discover a sign. It will be a simple sign but she will know that someone has heard her crying. An emotional, melodic whisper that is better known as “an angels’ prayer.”

An Angel's Promise

It was four years ago today on November 14th 2006 when my mother took her last breathe of air on earth.


I have so many memories of our happy times together.


It seems like only yesterday when I could hear my mother’s voice singing while she played the guitar. I was just a little girl still and I would have my Barbie dolls dance to the music while she strummed away.


I was told that when she was nine months pregnant with me that I would kick the back of her guitar whenever she played. She knew that I would be a singer and musician before I was even born. It was a gift she passed on to me in the womb and something that I would cherish for always.


The day my mother passed away was a serious turning point in my life. Something in me changed and something in me died too.


It took me two years to finally accept that she was gone. I spent so many nights drowning her loss indulged in wine, glass after glass, hoping the pain would subside. However the liquid cover-up just numbed what I did not want to feel and re-determined what I did not want to believe.


Four years later it still feels like it was all a bad dream.


A few weeks before the angels came to take her, I remember a heart-to-heart conversation we had.


She told that everything happens for a reason and that she would make things right somehow. Not really understanding what she meant, I still shook my head like I understood.


It took some time but I realize now what she was trying to tell me.


Regardless of the fact she was under a lot of medication, I knew that she was coherent enough to know what she was trying to tell me.


Somehow she was giving me a for-warning about the events that she knew I would encounter. All she ever wanted for me was to find happiness and love.


My mother was always there to hold my hand, especially through my first broken heart when I was only 18 years old. Her heart broke whenever I cried and she told me that time would heal all my wounds.


Not a day goes by when I don’t think about my mother. Whether it’s a butterfly that lands on the windowsill or a song that comes on the radio, there is always something that reminds me of her. Sometimes I smile and sometimes I cry.

She often shows me signs that she is with me and the signs are very obvious and undeniable. There is no such thing as coincidences in my book and there have been unexplainable events that occurred, some immediately after she passed.


Sometimes when I look up into the sky there is a huge ‘X,’ and I know that is her way of saying, “hello daughter.”


Other times I will see 11:11 for days at a time as if I’m on a schedule to see it.


Until it is my time to leave this earth I will never truly understand death. Is death just a new beginning for a new calling or is it a promotion to a new mission?


Angels do exist and I have seen one in my life. My mother did visit me on one occasion and it was the most amazing thing I had ever seen.


When she came to me that one night, I was a mess. Feeling helpless and crying, I remember dozing off. When I awoke to a partial level, there she was, right beside me.


The room was glowing with a golden-glow while she looked at me and told me, “I promise everything will be okay. I promise.” Then I fell back asleep.


Miracles do happen and at the most unforeseen times. When I feel lost I just close my eyes and envision that moment. It gives me strength and helps me through the night.


A mother’s love is stronger than any other love in the world. Second chances are granted to anyone who believes in them.


There is no doubt in my mind that my mother is my guardian angel. She watches over me and her grandbabies, keeping us safe from harm.


I don’t know what tomorrow holds or if tomorrow will even arrive but there is one thing I know for sure.


No matter what has happened or will happen, once an angel makes a promise, then the bond will never be broken. For it is no ordinary promise. It is an eternal commitment that is written in the heavens. It is an angel’s promise.


IN MEMORY OF MY MOTHER WHO LOST HER BATTLE TO LUNG CANCER NOVEMBER 14TH, 2006. SHE IS MISSED AND LOVED VERY MUCH.......

The "Lonely, crying angel."

It was late in the afternoon, on the 9th of October when a couple visited their deceased grandmother at the neighborhood cemetery after several years.

While the couple replaced the old, dried flowers with fresh new white roses they noticed a statue of an angel that had not been there before. It was only a few feet away from their grandmother’s gravestone.

The gentleman looked over at his girlfriend with a puzzled look and said, “Honey, I don’t recall this being here last year.”

“I don’t either,” she replied with an identical look on her face. “It’s so odd although it is beautiful although it looks so depressing.”



The woman was curious and walked over to the statue and stared at it for a moment. It seemed so life-like for being made of stone. It appeared to be cold and longing for some embracement. There were even salt markings from what appeared to be a trail of dried tears.



The more the woman stared at it, the more it began to tell a story. A sad story of how it ended up there with no explanation.



Little did the couple know how the statue was once a living angel who was once in love with a mortal man who broke her heart and re-determined her destined fate.



Once happy in love, the angel did everything she could for the chosen love of her life. It wasn’t until the angel cried for the first time when she realized the mortal’s soul was made of stone.



Even after her many warnings, the angel believed that she could warm the soul of the man who was condemned to being unbreakable and invincible to love.



Many years passed and the angel became weak after her many attempts to show the lost man how to be compassionate- but her attempts were futile. She had lost hope and faith. The only thing her soon-to-be- lost love ever gave her was a white rose.



The angel was warned one last time and after she failed to listen, she was banned from her home until she could set the man free. As the angel clutched the almost withered white rose, she bargained her wings and flew away.



On the last night of her freedom, she closed her eyes and took his hand for the final time.



“My darling, do you love me? If so then why do you show no compassion for me when I hurt? When I cry?” The angel said with a sorrowful look in her eyes. “Please, tell me. This is our last chance.”



The angel began to cry. Once again the man showed no mercy as he stood up and just walked away. The angel prayed and prayed for one meaningful embrace to show her that he at least cared. That embrace never happened.



Moments later the sky filled with clouds and began to rain. The angel weeping tried to fly but her wings were too soaked and heavy.



Refusing to obey her last warning, the angel began to turn to stone. The more the rain fell, the harder her skin began to feel.



Not understanding what was happening she yelled out to the sky, “What is going on?”



“You would not leave the heartless man alone and he has drained you of you happy spirit. You knew his heart was made of stone and now you must suffer the consequences.” A voice said from above her. “You will be cast as stone until he finally asks for forgiveness for what he did to you. I am sorry angel.”



The angel closed her eyes, accepted her earthly sentence and then fell into a deep slumber.



When she awoke she was re-incarnated into a stone statue. Her spirit was alive but trapped by the hardened shell overlooking a peaceful cemetery.



It was getting late and the cemetery was going to close for the night.



“Honey, it’s time to go.” The gentleman said while reaching for his girlfriend’s hand. “How does Chinese sound for dinner?”



“Chinese sounds great.” The woman said while wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. “I didn’t realize what time it was. I’m starving.”



The woman took a deep breath and took one last look at the angelic monument.



As the couple began to walk away, the woman turned around, bent down and picked up a white rose from her grandmothers headstone.



Without knowing why, the woman place the white rose on the angel’s wing. As the couple walked away, the woman looked back and swore she saw a tear falling from the angels’ eye.



It was after that day and decades to come when the stone statue was finally named the “Lonely, crying angel.”



However, she only cried when a single white rose was placed on her wing-for she will spend eternity longing for the arms of a man who never loved her.





(C)Kimberly Morrow/2010/Dorance Publishing

I PRAY THY LORD MY ANGEL TO TAKE

Even when an angel gives her wings, it is often that she is still left empty.


It was the 23rd, dark and most painful night for the angel who gave her all. A wing for a wing but still she could not fly and she could not cry anymore.


The room was dark, cold and weary when she decided to let it all go; That is to end her mortal and angelic life. Perhaps her destiny was pre-determined once again.


When a bed of an angels last resting place is seemingly cold, then she knows it is her time to close her eyes and never awake again.

.

The mentally suicidal angel has had enough. She has saved all the souls she could save all the while she will have to pray for her own salvation.


A lost love for another lost cause, it doesn't matter how much she contributed to the one she loved fiercely yet innocently.


The pain in her chest was not a call for attention. It was a scream for assistance and no one was wise enough to hear their own English language in desperation.


It was the saddest day for the angel of doom. The minutes counted down and the hours passed without memory.


She closed her eyes and saw only dark light and water.


As she took her last and final breath she remembered how love once felt.


"He was like air to my lungs and water to my thirst." as she silently spoke to herself as she drank the last sip of her painless juice. " Now I can't breath and now I cannot drink water to preserve my existence."


Minutes later she fell asleep and never awoke again.


When her loved ones found her seven days later they knew she was finally at peace.


So sad that a good-hearted angel had to give her life to save someone who doesn't even know he was saved...........

THE TRUTH ABOUT ANGELS AND FROGS

It was many years ago when the angel was just a little girl and dreamed about finding her true love.



At night she would look out her bedroom window and into the sky full of stars. She often would pick the brightest star and make a wish.



“Star-light, star-light, first star I see tonight,” she would say with a gleam of hope in her eyes. “I wish for someone to hold me tight.”



The little angel had heard about kissing frogs in fairytales but had no idea the truth behind the storybook myths. She had many chapters to read and frogs to kiss before finding the love of her life or so she thought.



She was just a little angel when she kissed her first and only frog named Harold. Her first kiss was somewhat awkward and she released him into the darkness one night only to regret letting him go later on.



Then seven years later he hopped back into her life and once again she kissed him. This time is was different. This time the kiss was magical and the angel and the frog fell deeply in love.



She was hoping that he would finally turn into her prince. Months passed and she waited patiently.



Convinced she had found everlasting companionship the angel waited and waited but nothing ever happened. Then one day Harold decided to hop away and he never returned for it was apparent that he was distracted by something other than his devoted angel.



Heartbroken with disappointment, the angel cried for many years and prayed that her fair-weather knight in armor would return someday. Sadly, he never did that is until another 7 years later.



By this time, the angel had grown up to be the most beautiful angel of all angels. She had the purest of hearts and even though she had been hurt before she decided to kiss him one more time. After all, he said he was sorry for leaving her and swore he would never leave again.



It was a romantic, moon-lit night when she closed her eyes and gently kissed her long lost frog for the third and final time. Not only was the moment magical it was everything she had been longing for.



Harold had finally turned into a prince and it was the happiest moment in her life. They were inseparable and for the first time in a long time, she felt she had found everything she had been wishing for.



Every night she would kiss her prince on the cheek while he would sleep and would vision their lifetime together. They shared their hopes and dreams and nothing seemed more perfect.



It wasn’t until a few months later when her fairytale decided to take an unexpected turn for the worst.



One day when she returned from her walk in the heavens, she had found a note that her prince had left her.



It was just a simple piece of white paper with one word written on it. It said, “Good-bye.”



She did not know what to think or understand how he could do this to her. “We seemed so happy.” She thought to herself and she dropped to her knees and began to weep. “I gave him everything. I trusted him and now he has betrayed me once again.”



A few weeks later she had accepted that her prince had left and began to live her life as usual. Her heart was beyond broken but she kept his memory close. There are some nights when she still picks her lucky star to wish on although she has little hope.



She finally came to realize that no matter how much love is invested in a first, second or third kiss, a kiss of true love does not mean the two lovers will last forever.



As much as it hurt she knew she had to let him go. Love is free will and no one can make someone love them back -not even an angel. Fairytales are just stories and it was obvious their chapter was over and once again for the third time.



However, there are times when she will see a frog hop by and wonder, “will he ever come back to again?”



Unfortunately, that day will never come. Harold was now a handsome prince who used the angels’ love to get what he wanted. He no longer needed her and he made that clear with his one word, Dear John letter.



This is the hardened truth about angels and frogs and as an angel she had to learn the painful way more than one time……(but she will never lose hope). For one day she will find her true love.

PICTURE PERFECT ANGEL

An angel’s heart is like a photograph of frozen memories that will never set her free. She has no choice but to surrender herself to the forbidden ecstasy of someone she truly loved and will forever share an everlasting bond with.



She painted a perfect picture of everything she wanted and everything she longed for. For awhile the picture came to life and all the colors were vibrant like a beautiful sunrise on a summer morning. Sadly, over time it has faded like watercolors washed away by the rain and weathered by the storm.



Now the picture is colorless and lifeless like a black and white silent film. There is evidence of what once existed but the story has been interrupted. Everything that happened before and after is somewhere lost in between and will never be found. It will remain an unsolved mystery with an incomplete climax.



The sweet words that were spoken are now spoken in a different language she can’t understand. Their hearts are no longer fluent, embracing the dreams that have been shattered and broken.



A picture has so many visual emotions both joyous and painful. It hurts to remember the good times yet it hurts to let them go. Her tears are smeared on a piece of history that will forever remind her of what she can no longer hold.



Although the room is silent, the picture sings a soft melodic cry only she can hear and recognize. She will lay in the comfort of her own wings while she embraces her loss.



The years will pass and she will never let go of what she once believed in. Love is free will but sometimes there are no choices when it comes to destined heartache.



She will watch him from the heavens and pray for him before she sleeps. The time they shared together meant so much and she is forever grateful.



Love is a story will alternate endings and sometimes the endings are almost identical. No matter how the chapter begins there is no re-writing the conclusion. There is no altering what is meant to be.



She will hold the picture close to her always and live her life as planned. He will always remain as in her spirit and she will always be his picture perfect angel who dwells in his mind from time to time. A picture can be burned or put away but it will randomly appear in some form reminding the lovers of what true love once was.

Broken Angel-Memoir by Kimberly Morrow

It seems the past few months I have purposely preoccupied myself with meaningless time. That is more than likely the reason I was abruptly awakened this morning. My thoughts had nowhere else to manifest except for the keypad of my laptop.

For not being much of a reader when I was younger I find it odd to find myself sitting down day after day writing my own novel.

I hardly consider myself a brilliant author who can analyze quantum physics in three different languages. However, I am a truthful writer and that is what gives my words life. Somehow my emotions flow fluently from my mind to my fingers into this electronic diary.

It was sometime in January this year when I came up with the idea for Broken Angels, Memoirs of Kimberly Morrow. Funny how my own idea fascinated me. My first entry was vague but personal. As the months passed I began to vision actual angels and shortly thereafter, I began to research what a broken angel really was. Somehow it all came together and I was pleased with my direction.

I usually avoid speaking in first person because it opens the door my vulnerability. It's a non-fictional story that reveals everything that I am or once was. I could speak of an angel and an encounter that related to me but there was still a wall between me and the reader.

Truth is, when I write about broken angels, I am really speaking of my personal experiences. My definition of a broken angel is a mirror image of who I am inside but with an anonymous name-tag.

Someone once told me that "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." There is definite logic to the saying because life can sometimes hand us a plate that is already too full.

I admit that love is my weakness and has been since I was very young. Lacking will power doomed me from the beginning. I planted seeds in my garden of dreams and it was devastating to see some of those dreams literally disintegrate right before my eyes.

There were so many pieces to pick up and I had no idea where to place them. It was humanly impossible; Like filing in alphabetical order with no letters in a dark and abandoned library with no windows.

The quote, "it is better to have loved than never to have loved at all," is a pathetic order of words in my opinion. It's a saying that has done me no justice yet sounds pretty when I wanted to change a subject and quickly. Those words were like a get out of jail free card when avoiding having to explain my loss in detail.

I would have been happier never to have loved before because once I lost love, I lost a part of myself. It felt more physical then emotional because every part of me hurt. It felt like someone had died and then passed the suffering on to me. It was the most horrific feeling I had ever felt. How on earth could something that once made me so happy now make me so miserable?

The darkness seemed to comfort me more than the light. Hours upon days I would wonder around like a lifeless zombie able to function but not able to feel. There were times when I couldn't even cry because there were no more tears left. I lost months of my existence because I was still in denial. I didn't want to believe that everything I believed in had failed me.

Food had no taste and life lacked excitement. I found no pleasure in the things that once pleased me. All inspiration was put on hold and silence filled my soul that once was filled with melodic music. All was lost and all seemed hopeless. Unfortunately, there is no exact date when all the pain would magically subside should the day even arrive.

So yes, I am broken although I wear an armored suit that nothing can pierce. Time doesn't always heal all wounds it just buys time for a person to figure out how to co-exist with the eternal pain. For I feel even in death, I will never be free.


It doesn't matter how strong I am because I will always be a broken angel. Everyone has been broken at one time or another and there will always be a sad love story for someone to write about.



Entry from Broken Angels-Memoirs of Kimberly Morrow
D. publishing/copyright 2010/123

I WILL CRY (Breast Cancer Awareness Month) Kimberly Morrow

WHEN ANGELS CRY

BOOK OF DOSIANA' --Page 23

A dark figure in a hooded robe appeared before the broken angel named Dosiana. The figure was holding a black book and did not say a word. Dosiana lay there on the cold cement ground of her cell staring at the intruder in a peaceful fear.


Her wings were stained with blood after her many attempts to tear them off. After she had fallen from the heavens many years ago when she lost her desire to ever fly again. She had a sacred secret that she never shared with anyone.


In hopes of being set free from the darkness she yelled for the darkish figure to reveal him or herself.


Dosiana cried out, "Are you here to save me? Who are you?" In desperation she crawled over the little spot of light on the ground. The steel bars only allowed so much sunlight during the day and moonlight by the night.


Her chains and shackles were heavy barely letting her move. The unknown figure remained silent as it hovered a few feet away from her.


She began to weep and lowered her head in hopelessness as if the moments ahead would be her ultimate death.


With compassion the dark figure removed her hood only to reveal a beautiful angel in disguise. The cell began to glow with a luminous light as the angel removed the robe completely. There she stood in silk, white dress that appeared to be a wedding dress.


Dosiana looked up and asked the other angel, "What is your name?" In a soft spoken voice the angel replied, "My name is Arbetelia. I am your angel of light and your savior from death."


"You cannot live in the darkness forever. It is not your destiny." Said Arbetelia. "I have something for you to read."


Arbetelia handed Dosiana the black book. It appeared to be very old and had an engraving of the number 23 on the cover.


She opened the book only to reveal that all the pages were blank.


"This doesn't make any sense" Dosiana said to Arbetelia. "What is the purpose of this?"


She threw the book down on the ground and turned her head away.


"Dosiana, do not worry the pages are very full. Just because you cannot see the ink does not mean nothing exists." Arbetelia said with a stern look on her face. "You need to look closer and in a different light."


When she held up the pages of the book up to the little light she still saw nothing. She became frustrated as she assumed it was some trick.


"I don't believe in magic!" Dosiana said with an angered look on her face. " ARBETELIA? What are you trying to do to me?!"


"Your destiny is not to read life in the dark" Arbetelia said while she bent down and gently took Dosiana's hand. "This is how living your life in the dark looks. Pages without words and life with no hope. Faith was your ink and this is all you have to show for it after you fell in love with that mortal man. A tough lesson but you needed to learn."


Dosiana began to understand. While she longed for a forbidden love her world became darker and darker. She had saved many people but never released the memory of the mortal who broke her heart. Angels are not suppose to become attached to someone who can’t understand ANGELS. He stole her spirit and her energy. When she imprisoned herself on earth she never spoke of him again and sentenced herself to eternal misery.


Dosiana surrendered her wings for this man and was cast out of her heavenly home shortly after-wards. With a fairytale image she believed that she could alter her destiny and make him love her. She sacrificed everything and he moved on a married another mortal.


Sadly, Dosiana spent days and days weeping while she watched him live a happy life with his new beloved. He never loved her and it just so happened that it rained on earth for many weeks before she gave up her wings completely.


The purpose of the number 23 imprinted on the book signified the years Dosiana spent in the dark, alone and miserable on earth. The pages were blank because she stopped living and lost her faith.


"Are you ready to fly again broken angel? It is all up to you." Arbetelia said as she handed her a gold, antique looking pen. "This is the beginning of your destiny although is never ended. You must find yourself again and come home."


Dosiana took the pen and the book. As she opened the cover to the first page, her chains and shackles fell off one by one. For 23 years she had lost her passion for everything and now it was time to live again.


She pressed the pen onto the paper and began to journal,” New beginnings" and then paused for a moment.


"Dosiana", Arbetelia said. "You cannot make up for the last 23 years. Now you must move forward. The empty pages await you now. It's time to go."


Dosiana closed the cover of the book and from that day forward she never looked back. Many years passed and she never loved again but she didn't let her loss and pain chain her down any longer.


Sadly, Dosiana stills leaves page 23 empty in every journal she has since written in. Perhaps there is still hope that whenever it rains, her lost love may look up into the sky and wave good-bye to her one last time.



Written by Kimberly Morrow

Copyright D.Publishing 2010

watching candels burn by kimberly morrow.wmv

FORSAKEN ANGEL

Every angel loves and every angel has been broken.



At one time or another, thy angel will give her all to lose her all. It all depends on the emotional circumstances.



Of course an angel wants to be loved but once she is forsaken then it is hard to trust and love again.



Like a wound to the heart she ripped the arrow of deception out of her chest. Barely piercing her heart, the blood dripped drop by drop. She was still alive but like a zombie to what had happened. Although she thirsted for love and blood, she still yearned for the love that left her to die. She longed for the beast that had intentions to drain her of every fluid available to a kiss.



Her last memory was of a carousel that spun around and around. The beach was her balcony of hope while his plan was a death-wish. With sand in her sandals and the smell of cotton candy she felt that she found her soul-mate. Then the sand discinigrated and the then the cotton candy was just a pleasant smell of sugar without commitment.



Time had passed like sifted sand through an hourglass and before she knew it he was gone again. His words were like candy-bars that were eaten only for the sweet appetite with a diabetic purpose. There was no healthy outcome nor did he even love her. He just loved the idea of her like a picture of a wedding cake in a magazine that is only prepared, ate and never heard of again. That is until the calories are counted when the scale reads, “out of order.” Not for the weight but for the chaotic symbolism of the generic love he pleaded for her.



Still, she held the arrow that she ripped out her existence. Not only did the man of disbelief hurt her, but he broke her.



A few days later as she lied in bed, depressed and un-alive and then out of nowhere, the angel of hope approached her.



The angel said, “You long for love and now you will feel love. Please take these wings and fly away.”



Without hesitation the wounded nominee of disbelief replied, “No madam, I will not take these wings for I loved and for the right reasons. You, angel of hope had forsaken me. I will give up these wings you offer me and continue on.”



The angel of offering flew away and never returned to the broken angel below. Days passed and hours added up but the forsaken angel knew and believed that……….



“Once upon a broken wing, somehow he will here me sing. If he denies while I believe than I’ll obey and he’ll deceive.”



Sometimes life hurts but often true love hurts more. The angel still dwells in her dark cell while trying to save those who cannot love.



It is so sad and pathetic that an angel has to salvage her wings and salvation to be a “Forsaken angel” for a man that never loved her.



So sad that a commitment made between two people became a political view of the one with the broken heart. (And no, it wasn’t the man). The man has paid his taxes while working under the table. Eventually he will have to pay for unmarked ink spots on is bedpost to make up for his conscience.



And all the while he thinks he sleeps in peace? The angel he had forsaken is looking down upon him praying that he finds his fault so she can finally get her wings and fly far, far, away from him. She will someday recover and get her wings but in the back her mind she will always pray that he the one who broke her heart, will someday prove himself to be a real man.



Until that day arrives she will be a forsaken angel.

last night I stopped dreaming.wmv

ELEVATOR TO HEAVEN

Mythology is myth, but angels are truth. The angel of light sees light while the angel of death, otherwise known as the Grim Reeper, sees only darkness. Based on the biblical information I’m aware of, angels are always a mystery and that is that.



Visions are amazing and even more so when someone is about to face a new identity revolution. It is an ultimate transition that is only shared between an angel and a mortal.



Everyone has a purpose in life and some of those purposes are not of the mortal kind.



A heart gives a soul life and a life gives a soul an identity. Don’t mess with the DNA of a true heart because in the end it will be the poisonous blood transfusion for a life.



Once a soul is set free from their body they are given choices. It’s like riding up an elevator. What is on floor number #5? Is it your conscience? What is on floor number #45? There is no blue-print for anything, just evaluations written in scripted ink on a piece of rolled parchment paper.



Acid will burn flesh and selfish antics will burn the unloving. Angels hold their own democracy and there is no one to debate with them because they have the wings and the wings rule.



This is the story of a man who chose to be unloving, selfish and blind to his life on earth. Then it was a dark and stormy night when his number was drawn by the angels above to leave his body. The rent was long overdue.



He closed his eyes and that was the last time. The rent for his body was past due and now his soul was a lost entity. His spirit danced on the ceiling for a few minutes like it was free, but it wasn’t. The man was not dreaming for he had died.



Within minutes he looked down onto his own body lying on the bed 5 feet below. With his eye opened wide he screamed and then fell to his destined hell.



Not only did he fall 5 ft into his own body below but he fell into a box another 20 feet below. To his surprise there was no blood or not broken bones.



It was dark and for a few minutes he wondered into the four corners or the black box that detained him.



Suddenly a light flickered and the angel of death stood before him.



Of course anyone who saw the Grim Reeper or Angel of death would fear for their soul.



Believe it or not the Angel of death was kind and spoke these very words to him.



“Do not fear me for it is yourself you need to fear.” The angel said while opening his wings. “Now it’s time to take the ride up to you eternal resting place. We cannot find an opening for your soul at this time, but we will keep you resume on file.”



With no choice the angel of death hit button #1 on what was now clear to be an elevator button. Let the ride begin.........



The man in need of salvation pleaded, “do not take me angel please!” But the man had dug his own grave even before he was deceased.

Shaking and speechless the man watched the numbers pass on the elevator. The angel of death looked at him with some compassion and disgust as the elevator picked up speed.



Surpassing floor one, then two then three, the scared man hit an anonymous button.



The elevator stopped at floor #14.



“Why did we stop here?” the man asked while shivering with guilt. “Answer me angel.”



“If you don’t know what this floor means then we might as well proceed.” The angel said while hitting the button for the next floor. " You had chances to change things here on every calendar year since you were created. You failed."



Once again the elevator came to a sudden halt. this time is was floor number # 23. The man seemed to be holding on for dear life as his body shook with the sudden stop.



“Angel, why won’t you talk to me? I am going up to heaven right?” The angel could tell that the man was beginning to freak out.



The angel replied, “This is your floor of sins, breaking hearts and never making amends. How do you plead?”



The man had the most volatile look on his face. “ I never, !!! well I mean I didn’t mean to, okay I did once but…” then the angel interrupted and said,” you broke one of my dearest angels heart. How do you plead?”



CONVICTED YOU FOOL!!!!!!!!!



Without hitting a button this time the elevator began to move and for minutes this time, it didn’t stop.



The man began to weep believing that he was going to have to face the angel of acceptance to get his soul into heaven. Sadly, he was mistaken.



Finally at the 100’Th floor, the elevator came to its final stop.



The man jumped up and yelled, “Salvation and Heaven. Here I am.”



Within a second the angel of death threw a pair of soiled wings at him and told him,” No sire you are not in heaven. Please recount your blessings.”



“You honestly think you made it to heaven?” The angel said in a low voice. “You are hardly there.”



The man looked at the angel in confusion and asked, “What do you mean, please tell me I’m not going down there!! Please angel I know I am a good man.”



The angel showed no compassion as he placed his hands on the man’s head and said.





“If you break the heart of an angel then you will never get into heaven until you find a way to give her wings back to her. You have many floors besides just a few to fix your past and your mistakes. If you figure out you mistakes in a timely manner then you will leave this elevator and meet the angel of forgiveness. She will make the final determination of your eternity.”



With tears in his eyes, the man looked at the angel for the last time. It was now up to him to re-evaluate his time spent on earth and how he treated certain people. Like an amendment, you don’t break the heart of an angel. Thank god mercy is taken upon even the most heartless people. If that wasn’t the case then this elevator would have went straight down to the pits of fire with no permission for amendments.





The angel left him in hopes the man would find his faults and make up for them for the elevator ride that was not a trip to his resting place for it was the many floors of his wrong doings.



Just because an elevator goes up doesn’t mean it’s going the direction a person intended it to be going. Like telling someone you love them for false reasons. “Why not dictate the direction of someone’s soul. After all the intended motives were not out to hurt anyone mortal or where they?



The angel had a purpose and now it was up to the mortal to figure out his own ending and to re-visit the certain floors of his life.



In due time if the man is to cocky to find the faults in his existence then on behalf of the dark angel, the next stop is floor number negative.



May the poor, stupid man rest in his own oven is he cannot figure out his own recipe. Using a poor woman’s heart to substitute a missing element in a personal masterpiece is not only immoral but will take the sinners elevator down to a floor even mankind does not have a recipe for. Once that happens then the temperature is up to the angels as well as the next floor the elevator stops at.

BROKEN ANGELS

I PUT THIS TOGETHER TONIGHT FOR ALL THE BROKEN ANGELS..............

LOVE

KIMBERLY MORROW

Kimberly's latest live video-September 5, 2010

THE TRUTH ABOUT HEAVEN AND EARTH-ANGELS AND LOVE

COPYRIGHT (2010) WRITTEN BY KIMBERLY MORROW

As the angel wiped the black mascara off her eyes into the white tissue, she felt so many things at once. Hate, loss, misfortune and discreet. There she was, unable to fly after she pawned her wings for a price she paid only for a mortal loved one.





Once she loved,sacrificed and longed for, she realized the envy she still envied for those who shared significant passion and truth. Now her faith was all a smeared blackened spot on a white piece of Kleenex. Pain, hurt and disappointment for the sobering upset in her heart, that is all that the spot will account for after the storm. The buy in for the antique memorial, “she cried on a Kleenex” is auctioned at “priceless, but sold for a soul.” Her wings are forever unaccounted for like a pin to a lost soldier.





What are tears anyways? A sign of weakness or a sign of strength, it doesn’t matter because either way each tear drains any angel of who she was, once was or longs to be. For a mortal, it drains them of life and the rent for their bodies. Eventually the lonely one will die.





There is no compromise and no negotiations with love. It’s not that complicated or is it? To many on-seekers, love seems simple. To angels love is spiritually complicated and undefined.





Life and love is a gift and angels truly believe that. Yet how hard can a mortal try and try and move forward? No mortal is born with super-human strength. So is loving someone like suicide or a slow dying disease below the clouds? Truly it all depends. You need love to survive. If there is no sky available then where does an angel dwell? It's a mirror mirage for both to survive.





Whenever something goes unplanned, then they first thing that re-enters a mortals' mind is the other mortal opponent who hurt them the in the first place. That is, to an angels experience : They will give up their wings to prove their love for someone below the heavens. In theatrical version : Love burns like hell to the innocent and existence burns like holy water to a possessed soul. There is no pretty sequel after all the dismantled body parts are disposed of.





That is why angels get lost. They long for something they can’t have. They want so much to be loved and needed yet they wait for eternities to even capture a glimpse of what they long for. Then they are left for dead like the forgotten one below.





Every angel or mortal longs for someone to hold. Everyone longs for love and compassion. A workday on earth consists of existence but heavenly love consists of belonging. Angels consist of retrieving while mortals expect receiving. Endless consumptions and endless revolution.





Some lost spirits will spend every night sober or intoxicated, praying that God will bring them their soul mate, friend or lover. No angel wants to be alone and no mortal prepares for a night of loneliness. Even an eternal heart can break, that is why there is rain. There are to many tears for heaven to hold.





Call it myth if history shall, but in faith’s defense the angel feels that everything is in life is predetermined, like an architects design. Ready to break ground and make a landmark or even destroy buildings that already have a name. A broken heart will end up like a fossil in the land when all it needed was love to survive.





This is where the guardian angels come in. They guide, they lead and they interrupt. At one time or another every lost soul has made ridiculous decisions under superficial economics and historical evaluation.





The lost angel begs for mercy and forgiveness when their loved one is hurting. The guardian provides nourishment for what was lost, preparing the lost angel for their next journey. Setting aside mythological beliefs about the night fairies that haunt your dreams and ruin you advances. It is beyond that state. Angels are all around and even when when someone doesn't want them to be. That whisper in your ear is not something bad, it's a voice you need to listen to.





It is an endless battle for the loving one in life. There will never be a victory. There will only be lost loves, forbidden love, or forgotten loves. Either way every angel of every level will never lose their faith. After all their faith is what gave them their wings.





Angels exist like breath to a human. So sad that is it often difficult to co-exist between the two entities that make all living things worth while. The two worlds are always at war, the heavens and the earth. Love is a hunger that will never serve the appetite even for the hungriest beast that thrives on the pyramid of ancient belief.





Yet, Someday, as an angel would say, "all shall practice to fly even if their soul is with someone lost and even if the war is still being fought. Someday love will be a victory and love will restore all wings. Then everyone will fly away free. Even if no one truly loved, dominance happens because love is always worth fighting for. In the end both worlds win."

When Angels cry

ANGEL IN A GRAVEYARD

He had me at hello and the first time he kissed my lips, I knew it was something beyond explanation.


Helpless to his touch, I laid there in his arms, feeling emotions I never felt before. It was a special connection that every woman longs for. I longed for him even after he was gone. Every time we met, it was an encounter that would never be forgotten and completely cherished for lifetimes to follow.


People come and people go but there is always that one person that will have your heart. Near or far, dead or alive, they are always with you. He will always be a part of me. His memory burns in my soul and his image is a picture in my mind that I will never embrace again.


His words were uncompassionate and cold, written in cold-blooded ink. I would remain his mental victim and he would remain like a thorn in my wing. He has told me goodbye many times and I was foolish to believe he never meant one of them.


What was I to feel? Where was I to turn? I had opened every unknown door and walked many paths and they all led me back to him. It is like a never ending dream that I cannot awake from. I was entrapped by slumber and taunted by visions that broke my heart over and over again. If only he would go away and stay away.


How could a man be so cruel and heartless? I didn't want to believe that I was just another woman in his bed that he bended to his will, only to leave me like death to life. But there it was, the truth plain as day and dark as night.


His scent still lingers on my skin like cheap perfume on an old woman. Bathing in my own tears never to become fully clean again. A creation gone to waste like a magnificent piece of artwork hidden in the attic, collecting cobwebs and dust.


I have no energy left to fly. Everything I once believed in is dead. After I mentally cremate him I will spread his ashes over the heavens and listen to the angels weep. The dark, cold soil will harden and never grow flowers it will only bury the deceased bodies of the dead.


This earth is my prison while I mourn him. Time is supposed to heal pain but this man has wounded my soul so deeply that there may never be a full recovery. I pray that I will be free from all his intentions someday. Sadly, I fear that day may never arrive.


Forever I will carry my wounded wings while he continues to live his life like nothing ever happened between us. There is no doubt that he has returned to a previous mate, the dark angel that wouldn’t let happiness be an option for us.


Little does he know that when he sleeps at night, we will always be reunited. Angels have a way of appearing in dreams even when they have a wounded soul and there is nowhere else left to fly.


I will pray for him at night while he makes every attempt to forget and erase me.


That will never happen because there will never be an absolute conclusion- Only an unfinished beginning with several alternate endings and every ending will be more painful than the last. An incomplete novel that will only be read like a name on a gravestone.

Music in my heart

NEW UPDATES TO KIMBERLYISHERE.COM

~~~THE BURNING BRIDGE~~~

The sky darkened as the evening fog began to set in. His spirit left his body as he was prounounced dead at 11:11 p.m.



A thin midst covered a wooden bridge and he stood there for several moments before proceeding to walk forward. He felt as light as a feather and rejuvinated after his long battle with cancer. Then without warning, a burst of flames covered his path ahead. A voice was calling him through the fire and he had no choice but to enter the flames.



He gasped for air and took a few small steps onto the wood. It was not hot although it was on fire. He wore no shoes so he could feel the mositure between his toes. It was cold as he placed one foot in front of the other.



Suddenly there was loud crackingn noise and a ray of light shined down in front of him through the smoke, revealing an angel.



"I am angel number one. Why should I let you pass? " She said. "Give me one reason and I will let you pass."



The man looked the angel in the eyes and said, "I am an honest man."



The Angel did not let him pass. Once again he said, "I am an honest man."



For the second time, she did not budge.



"Angel, why won't you let me go?" The man said in a frustrated voice. "I told you I am an honest man!"



The angel opened up her wings revealing a bottle of water. "For being an honest man, do you remember when you broke the heart of the woman you claimed to love? This is a bottle of her tears for I caught them as she cried."



The man looked confused. "Angel I know I could have done things differently but I was selfish and I didn't."



The angel looked pleased with his new answer and let him pass.



About fifty steps later another angel appeared. "I am angel number two, why should I let you pass?"



"I am a loving man." He said.



The angel didn't let him pass. "Angel! What now? I have loved and many times." he said with a surprised look.



The Angel handed him a piece of paper. It read, " My love will never change for you."



The man began to tear up as he looked up at the angel. "I know angel, I broke the heart of the one woman who gave everything she had to me and I just left her in her time of need. I am so sorry angel."



The angel gave him a compassionate look and let him pass.



The man began to cry as he walked several more feet.



Then a third and final angel appeared. "Why, should I let you pass." the angel said in a deep voice. "I should not let you pass."



"I am a caring man," he said in a softer voice. "I care about everybody"



The angel reached up into the sky and pulled down another angel.



"Do you remember her? She sits up in heaven with no wings because she gave them up for you. Do you remember that night?"



The man dropped to his knees and said, " Angel, Oh God Angel I forgot. I didn't mean to let her down. I had to make a choice."



The angel gazed down on him and touched his head.



"And I have no choice" the angel said. "We will meet again."



Then the man woke up in a hospital bed. The room was dark and cold as he could hear the monitors beeping, keeping track of his vitals.



The man screamed, "NO!!! Angel please!"



"Do you remember how many times you broke her heart? One time, two times, three times?" The angel said with a stern look. "How do you think she felt. Now you will know what it is like to feel like you are dying over and over."



The man cried out, "But angel I can't bear the cancer again, please no!"



"Who said anything about cancer?" The angel said. "You are going to suffer a broken heart. Then maybe you can show some remorse for what you put her through. She may never fly again thanks to you and your false intentions."



Just then the man grabbed his chest and started screamin in pain. "Angel make it stop, please make it stop!"



The angel felt compassion but told him, "Now you know how she felt everytime you told her goodbye and showed no emotion. You have the sympathy pain of what she will feel for eternity."



The man began to cry and the angel disappeared. For the first time he was able to physically experience what he had put someone else through. Perhaps if he does not survive through the night, he will be able to pass the third angel the next chance he gets to walk on the burning bridge.



It's not always about burning bridges. Breaking the heart of an angel is far more worse than a piece of wood on fire. Eventually the fire will go out but sadly, her heart will never heal.

WHERE DO I FLY FROM HERE?

I could almost taste the cigarette smoke on his breath from the first time I kissed him. That was many years ago.



Some people spend their lives searching for love while some people are lucky enough to find it right away. Perhaps I have known love or just assumed I have.



For the most part, love is a wonderful feeling. Every sense in my body responded to his touch and every beat in my heart spoke his name. So sad that I will be just another picture in his mind, that is if he even thinks of me.



No one wants to believe that the love of their life doesn't love them back. After all the moments shared,oneself would think that such moments meant something more than just two people spending time together.



I laid there frozen and lost for words as he kissed me on the cheek gently yet so effortlessly. That would be the last time I ever saw him.



Hearing the door shut, there was little emotion and I was so hurt that I couldn't cry. Feeling like all the love you made was just another meaningless encounter, for lack of a better term.



A person can pack their things and move on in their life, but once someone loves someone, they never stop. There is no erasing what was so wonderful to create.



So I ask myself, "Where do I fly from here?" To be honest, I don't know. "I only remember how I arrived here. When he left my arms and didn't say he loved me, my mental map was erased. An angel can still get lost even though she experience the universe with the man she will always love."



The journey had brought me here and now I need to figure out where my next destination will be. He is a part of me forever no matter where I go.

STONES

Filled with anger, I scooped a handful of sand and stones into my hand as I sat on the bank of the river.



The water was crystal clear and the sun had not yet set. Holding back my tears I threw a small gray stone into the water. Watching it skip, then sink.



Like a child watching fireworks on the lawn of their home, I sat there in the sand confused like attempting to put a jigsaw puzzle together in ten minutes.



I began to cry as I let the memories come back. Remembering wasn't the ignition to my heart it was the acceptance that triggered everything I was feeling at the time. Looking at the sky,then the river, then the sky again, I thought to myself.



All mankind was conceived in a womb, however if only a child could choose their parents. Perhaps there would be a chance for the child, perhaps not. My mother came to my mind as my eyes began to water, not creating tears.



It was the fall of November 2006 when I watched my mother die. I held her hand as she took her last breath. From that day forward, life as I use to know it was a nightmare.



Everyone struggles after losing a parent or loved one. Healing varies and healing takes time. "So why am I sitting here, tossing stones in the river trying to explain my pain? It is absolute nonsense."



The years have come and the years have gone. Looking back I regret some things I have done but not the things that have made me who I am today.



Understanding life isn't always easy, however I know that I am a broken angel that will turn a death into a legacy.



Sniffling and wiping the tears from my face, I stood up with a handful of sand and stones.



"Why did you have to die mother and why did you leave us all in this mess?" I cried out tossing one stone after the other into the river. "You promised you would watch over me, always. Where are you?"



Soon I was out of energy and stones as I dropped to my knees, lost in all despair.



Then suddenly the clouds gathered and the river seemed to stop flowing. I looked up thinking I was blinded by the sun. To my surprise it was my mother, staring down at me like a reflection in a mirror.



"Daughter, I never left you. My spirit left my body but my soul never left my spirit." She said with a heavenly glow. " I will not leave you lonely. I am always with you."



It wasn't like I was afraid. I just couldn't explain what just happened. The clouds let the sun shine through and the river began to flow as always.



I gathered my things and took one last look at all my surroundings. All this time I believed that my mother never heard me cry. For some reason, today she let me know that she did.



Bending down for the last time, I picked up one stone, wiped off he excess sand and stuck it in my pocket. Thereafter, I returned home.



While I was getting ready for bed that night, the stone fell out of my jean pocket. It hit the floor and rolled under my bed. I knelt down and hoped that it was laying near.



Surely it was, but it landed next to an old picture that had been there for awhile after my mother died. I picked up the stone and the picture it just so happen to be lying next to.



It was a picture of my mother playing the guitar when she was nine months pregnant with me. All of a sudden I could almost feel the vibration of the song she was playing.



As I held the stone in my hand, I could feel a warmth of something. Yes it was just a stone, but if that stone did not fall out of my pocket, then I wouldn't have found the picture.



Everything in life happens for a reason. Whatever the case may have been, a simple stone or stones brought me to remember my time in the womb.



It made me rethink about choosing my parents. It made me realize that maybe I just needed to choose the father.

OUT OF THE DARKNESS~~INTO THE LIGHT

For years I have remained silent in my own private domain. Afraid to speak what I was feeling and scared to face the phobia of many things. Somehow my fears became a beast that entrapped me in a dark world with no daylight.


As of tonight, I am no longer a victim of this darkness. I shall emerge into the light and spread my wings. After all, that is why God gave them to me. The sky is the limit when faith is brought to the surface.


There is always a vacancy in a forsaken shelter that is constructed by one's own personal fears. It's easy to hold oneself captive without even realizing the weight of their own chains.


Emerged in a depressive sea without the ability to swim or even tread the vicious waves. Beneath the current was an evil serpent that would grab a hold of my ankles in attempts to pull me under.


Now, I was breaking through the barrier of steel that has confined me for centuries. My knuckles may bleed and my skin may bruise but all my wounds will heal. A chance worth taking no matter what the outcome entailed.


I will raise my sword of courage and kill that serpent even if it almost kills me. These chains will no longer hold me down and the darkness will never be my castle of stone ever again. It will burn to the ground and I will watch it in great pleasure.


The gates shall open like thick oriental tapestries. At first the light will hurt my eyes but in time they will adjust. Now it was time to face what has been intimidating me and taunting me.


Shaking, I confronted my beast, face to face and flesh to flesh. Without hesitation I stabbed it in the heart before it could strike me again,like it has before. Paralyzed from the first wound, the relic fell to the ground with a non-victorious look in its eye. How could something of such simplicity interrogate me for so long?


With anger I kicked the beast to make sure it was dead. Surely enough,it was destroyed. In disgust I gazed at it's black scaly skin and jagged claws. I spit on its open wound and pulled out my sword. Blood stained the silver metal that marked my vengeance.


"So you are the beast that has been holding me back, stealing my breath and breaking my heart?" I said with a scowled look. "I have defeated you. Now you can go to your hell but you can't take me with you."


Fear is something that can take the life out of anyone. Even angels fear what is uncertain. Once the light shines on your enemy, then that serpent is no mightier than a boneless snail. Something as simple as salt could destroy its existence and evil antics.


For the first time in a long time, there was a feeling of peace within me. The sunrise never looked as beautiful as I said farewell to the darkness. The waves have calmed and the chains have been broken. "Was I satisfied with the outcome?" Indeed I was.


There is a very passive saying that many can relate to. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Very true, but it never hurts to approach whatever wants to kill us, making oneself even stronger.


Angels always have victories when they are not afraid to fly.

~~ANGEL IN A BLACK DRESS~~

Everything in my life seemed meaningless as I looked in the mirror at myself in this black dress. An un-refundable purchase that I will pay for the rest of my life. I twirled around a few times and began to weep as the material caressed my body.

At a precise moment, dark clouds covered the sky as tears filled my eyes. Looking up I witnessed the doors of heaven closing, forever sealing me in this hellish world below.

It was a time to mourn and a time to plead for forgiveness for I had sacrificed everything I believed in. All for love and all for nothing. Blinded by words that held an opposite meaning of what was intentionally meant. Foolishly I fell into the buried trap below a sacred surface. The black-hole of everlasting passion.

Everyday I relive what could have been and should have been. It was like he died in my arms and I still haven't let go. How can I let go when his spirit visits me in my dreams and haunts me when I'm awake. There is no exit and no escape.

Although I was breathing it felt like I was suffocating. Hearing his voice was like oxygen. Feeling his touch was my lifeline. Existing without either promises a lifetime of grief and despair.

There are days that linger and nights that never wake. There is always hope for divine intervention but it never happens.

I use to believe that there were signs for everything that had a reason for happening. What reasons are logical enough to explain losing someone you love dearly?

There will never be an understanding within my heart that will amount to an absolution. It was an unfair destiny defined and an unhappy parody of my fairytale.

The fruits of my spirit have withered and the happiness in my smile has diminished. I'm here because I have no choice. If I had a choice then I would re-attach my wings and just fly straight up to a far away place. His arms were once my home and now the domain has been destroyed.

Although I pray relentlessly, there is no sign of healing. At least not anytime soon. Like cancer attacks the living, this drug out death attacks my ability to move forward. Was love really worth all this suffering? For the moment yes, but now there are regrets that can never be repaired.

Like clutching black-thorned roses in my hand, his memory brought me to my knees tonight. My tears like thick tar dripping on his picture one drop at a time. If only my tears were gasoline, then I could flick a match and burn what should have never lived in the first place.

Mourning someone is an personal process that can last an eternity. Everyday is like attending a funeral and every night is preparation for another death.

Forever living in a darkened cell with no windows, I will carve my history into these stoned walls. I will never see daylight again because light will never shine on the angel that wears the black dress. It's like waiting for the doorbell to ring knowing my date will never show.

LAST CALL

I didn’t want to believe it. Yet there I stood, in tears hoping there was a reasonable explanation for his actions. Sadly, there wasn’t.

Leaning against the worn ledge of the wooden porch, I stood waiting for an absolution. The fog would set in then fade. The nights would linger then awaken with another incomplete day.

I use to believe in fairytales and love. However, the two combined are a deadly combination and should never be used in logical reality. They are mythical conceptions that are ingested by three of the major senses, “Sight, Touch and taste.”

Sight: You see the person you know you will love forever. Then they are gone.

Touch: You touch your soulmate then your are soul-less

Taste: Like the forbidden fruit, you taste the passion of someone you want to die with. Then you die alone.

Whether love is a conflict of interest or emotion, someone always gets hurt. Love is never perfect although it is perfectly defined in paperbacks and Shakespeare novels.

Everyone wants to be in love at one time or another.

It is amazing how quickly love is admitted like a dying patient in an emergency room then released like a demon in an exorcism. Similar to a catch-22 without an entry or an exit: Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Many rainfalls, storms and rainbows have occurred since I’ve waited for his return. Daily agendas on schedule and nightly rituals were not affected. Some days are better than others and some nights are unbearable.

Sometimes I cry and sometimes I smile. Memories can only be erased until you fall asleep. Then you are reminded of everything that you tried to forget and everything that truly happened.

With nowhere to escape, I would come to this porch and watch the sunrise, sunset and starlit sky. The damp wood smelled of his spirit and the splinters in my feet reminded me of the pain he left me in.

One night as I was slowly walking over to the antique rocking chair hidden in the midst of the porch, I felt something stab me in the crevice of my right toe. Assuming it was a piece of glass, I bent down to pick it up.

Clenched between my thumb and forefinger, I lifted the unknown object up. To my surprise it was not a piece of glass. It was a piece of a broken sea-shell. There were also a few drops of blood from the incision in my foot.

Lost without words, I fell to my knees. I cried out, “Why now Lord? Why do I find this now? It doesn’t mean anything anymore.”

I’m not sure how much time passed as I wept over my discovery. To someone else it was just a broken piece of nothing but to me it was a broken piece of me.

There was a story behind it and a sentimental meaning, once upon a time…………..

In my room, beneath my bed is where I once kept my “box of memories.” From movie tickets to Valentines Day cards and keepsakes gathered by the ocean. I cherished everything and I put the memories away in a place I felt they were safe.

One night, many years ago I had lost the love of my life. Beyond hurt and confused I began to toss out everything that meant something to me. With regret, I had thrown a special sand-dollar against the floor the porch. It shattered and afterwards I tried to find all the pieces but I never did.

Soon after I moved on and eventually forgot about it. Then I was reminded. Surprisingly this time, my reaction was unusual for a woman of my beliefs. I didn't care anymore.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. There is a time for everything and a time for acceptance. If you set something free then just let it go because if it comes back it will break your heart again. Just like the piece of that shell. It wasn't meant to make me smile. It hurt me and made me bleed. He was not my band-aid. He was the infection.

When I think of my lost love I think of “Last Call.” Not for alcohol but for love. There is a cut-off time for some things in life and it hurts me deeply to know there was a cut-off time for us. Not to mention the physical incision.

Whenever I read the time on a clock I remember the last time we were together. Regardless of how long I stand on this porch, I will always love him. His love was like a sweet shot to my soul and something as wonderful as that will intoxicate me for as long as I live.

I know he will never return but the broken shell has left a hidden memorial scar and no one will ever know but me. He promised his love would never change for me and it is a darkened memory I will toast to by myself. "Cheers with tears."