~~ANGEL IN A BLACK DRESS~~

Everything in my life seemed meaningless as I looked in the mirror at myself in this black dress. An un-refundable purchase that I will pay for the rest of my life. I twirled around a few times and began to weep as the material caressed my body.

At a precise moment, dark clouds covered the sky as tears filled my eyes. Looking up I witnessed the doors of heaven closing, forever sealing me in this hellish world below.

It was a time to mourn and a time to plead for forgiveness for I had sacrificed everything I believed in. All for love and all for nothing. Blinded by words that held an opposite meaning of what was intentionally meant. Foolishly I fell into the buried trap below a sacred surface. The black-hole of everlasting passion.

Everyday I relive what could have been and should have been. It was like he died in my arms and I still haven't let go. How can I let go when his spirit visits me in my dreams and haunts me when I'm awake. There is no exit and no escape.

Although I was breathing it felt like I was suffocating. Hearing his voice was like oxygen. Feeling his touch was my lifeline. Existing without either promises a lifetime of grief and despair.

There are days that linger and nights that never wake. There is always hope for divine intervention but it never happens.

I use to believe that there were signs for everything that had a reason for happening. What reasons are logical enough to explain losing someone you love dearly?

There will never be an understanding within my heart that will amount to an absolution. It was an unfair destiny defined and an unhappy parody of my fairytale.

The fruits of my spirit have withered and the happiness in my smile has diminished. I'm here because I have no choice. If I had a choice then I would re-attach my wings and just fly straight up to a far away place. His arms were once my home and now the domain has been destroyed.

Although I pray relentlessly, there is no sign of healing. At least not anytime soon. Like cancer attacks the living, this drug out death attacks my ability to move forward. Was love really worth all this suffering? For the moment yes, but now there are regrets that can never be repaired.

Like clutching black-thorned roses in my hand, his memory brought me to my knees tonight. My tears like thick tar dripping on his picture one drop at a time. If only my tears were gasoline, then I could flick a match and burn what should have never lived in the first place.

Mourning someone is an personal process that can last an eternity. Everyday is like attending a funeral and every night is preparation for another death.

Forever living in a darkened cell with no windows, I will carve my history into these stoned walls. I will never see daylight again because light will never shine on the angel that wears the black dress. It's like waiting for the doorbell to ring knowing my date will never show.