SILENT GOOD-BYE

God please give me the strength to forget him.

It has only been a few weeks but I have stopped living. The nights are long and the days are even longer. Getting out of bed seems useless and I want to give up.

Recently I had made a huge move and it was all for positive reasons. I know everything happened for a reason but why did you bring him back into my life? With everything that was already going on, what was the purpose? When you took him away God, you took a part of me.

The moment he got off the plane, it was as if we picked up where we left off. Twenty thousand minutes spent on the phone, numerous emails and some plans were shared between us. Losing him (again) would be devastating and it was. I finally trusted someone again. Now, I'm left holding nothing except a bitter memory of how it ended. I had enough on my plate and this only added to everything. That is why I should have known better than to trust another man again. I always manage to pick the same ones of the the same nature.

What hurts even more is that I knew days before that something bad was going to happen. Sure enough, it did. I was in the living room painting my toe-nails before he arrived home one evening. The front door slammed, the TV flickered and I knew there was an entity of some kind trying to tell me something.

I have been having dreams about the kitchen and I don't know what it means. The sink is overflowing with water, there are mango's on the counter and a cassette tape falls from the desk. It's beyond weird. I have had the same dream over and over and that is why I don't want to sleep. I'm hoping that I will find some closure and soon because the dark circle's under my eyes are doing me no justice.

God, please hear my prayer tonight and touch him somehow, someway. We had some wonderful moments and I knew you had planned them all. I will never forget him and my heart will always have a connection even if his heart has dis-connected me. I know now that he never loved me but I don't ever want to give-back what we shared, even if it wasn't real. The song 'Whiskey Lullaby" came on the radio tonight and it made me think of him. I am missing him bad God, will this pain ever end? Tell him a silent good-bye for me. I pray that he will be erased from my memory tonight so that I can start living life again tomorrow.