Angel In Stiletto's

Although I am not ashamed of my past, I do find that it haunts me on certain occasions. Many people have stereo-typed me and many people have commended me on my well known profession. At the time of my decision to become an exotic dancer, I was raising two babies on my own. My parents helped but at the same time they put a constant pressure on me to have a new car, a nice place, and to keep up with the "Jones." Anything I purchased had to pass my father's approval. As much as he hated me buying a 2000 Mustang, he sure didn't mind taking it for break-checks around the neighborhood, (twice).

What many people fail to realize, especially those who have never lived in the business, is that Stripper's, dancers, whatever, are people too. Society has degraded those who have only braved the unknown and who have survived what many people couldn't. I admit that some of my well known friends have gone over board with the implants, lipo-suction, and tanning beds but that is still no excuse for the hurtful feedback many dancers have put up with.

I remember my 1st audition back in 2000. I never saw a pole and I sure in the hell didn't know how to appeal to the audience of males that were there to watch beautiful women. To my surprise, I was hired but told to lose some weight and tan my stretch-marks. After 2 weeks of bruises, swollen feet and crazy 15 hour days, I managed to start making about $100 a day after a $20 stage fee. I remember going home with $32 dollars one night.

A few more weeks later I began to drink and mingle more with the men that came through the club. Dancing to 3 song sets, every hour or so help me shed the pounds revealing curves I never even found with "Sweatin to the oldies." My earnings went up to about $250 a day after stage fee. My earnings became more steady and I then moved to my own place after staying with my parents for those beginning weeks. I was bringing in about $800 a week after day care and only working 4 days, 11 a.m to 8 p.m. My parents both believed I was a cocktail waitress.

After I was established in my own place in 2002, my parents were over all the time visiting the kids or taking the kids if I had to work. I made my own days and hours so everyone was happy at the time. No one in my family put two and two together. I guess my 64" screen TV, 3 new furniture sets and unlimited cash didn't give me away. Not to mention I made over 3 grand in purchases over 2 weeks.

It was however, unfortunate that I met my youngest baby's father through my 2002 move. One thing led to another after he pursued me with flowers, tequila, and visiting me at my work. A few months later I was pregnant by a man who claimed to be sterile. I am thankful for my son but God, that man has it out for all woman kind. I will never regret my son, but as far as my ex? Catching a rare STD would have been more reasonable than what that man is putting me though now. I will leave it at that.

So after my youngest son was 4 months old, I was in the best shape ever weighing in at 105 pounds. It was now 2003 and I decided to give up dancing while maintaining: $325 daycare a week, $690 in car payments, $895 in rent, $450 in diapers, formula-kids needs, $140 utilities,$350 plus for food and what $150 or so on a $14 an hour job. My outgoing was almost 4 grand on two incomes. between me and my ex. Working the 9 to 5 job was not cutting it and in order to get out of debt I decided to return to the pole. Everyone was in favor at the time.

So I quit the day job. I worked 4 Sundays a month for only 5-8 hours (28 hours a month or so) making about $3500 dancing. Everyone was happy or so I thought. One break-up and one divorce later I was in the worst emotional mess ever. In 2005 I had money and 3 kids to support but I was completely on my own. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer that December and died in November 2006. My 2nd ex-husband also put me through a mental hell by playing games and lying to his family that he was still involved with me during and after our divorce in 2005. I believe he was a spy for my ex during the next 4 years. We broke contact as-called-friends friends in January 2010. As the least the phone records say so.

To make a long story short I never found my fairytale being a dancer. About ten years later am struggling with my decision from ten years prior. I have raised 3 kids by doing what I did and now I paying the price for being able to learn that dam pole. There are also long-term affects that come along with my past not to mention the back-stabbers who are out for my blood and the money I no longer make.

It is now 2010, and after two repeated attempts at love in the past 3 years, I have found that both men have only viewed me as a sex object. I am not a fantasy. I am real person with feelings and I know how to take care of a household. Apparently, for every dollar I made in my past there was a heart-ache to pay in my future. It wasn't my soul I sacrificed, it was a promise for a stable future for me and my kids. My happy-ever-after was a sacrificial-curse because no one wants to marry and ANGEL IN STILETTO'S. I will never know what it's like to have a husband who loves me or to have a real family who gives a dam about me. Everything I wrote tonight is just a rough-draft of what I have encountered through-out the past 10 years. And to think, I never even stepped foot in a strip club before 1999.