LUST,LIES AND CANDLE-WAX

There we were, naked in bed beneath the covers. He leaned over and kissed me passionately. I laid my head on his chest, closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat. Looking up at him, then into his eyes I told him, "I love you." Without hesitation he replied, "I love you too baby."I can still feel his hands all over me, caressing me and pulling me close to him. There was not a doubt in my mind that what we just shared was real. Two souls united, brought together by fate and happily in love, that is until something terrible happened. There were forces beyond my control that ripped us apart.

Rumors not only hurt people but they destroy relationships. If the love isn't strong enough on both ends then the relationship doesn't have a fighting chance. It would be wise to just throw in the towel, surrender and count your losses. Moving on is easier said than done, but it will save your heart from the added pain and confusion, There are no logical answers, just ridiculous assumptions.

After the storm of lies hit, I was in the dark for a few days. Rather than sending emails, texts or making phone calls, it was more beneficial on my behalf to just wait it out. Sure enough, I received the 'Dear John' email a few days later. It tore me apart and all I could think about was how we promised to beak-it off in person, should we ever encounter these waters.

The day after I received the heartbreaking news I remember driving to an orientation for work, My emotions got the best of me and I texted him, "God will show you the signs, don't ignore them." Within a minute or so, my phone beeped and it was a reply. "Stop messing with me, if there is something to tell me, tell me." I was on the free-way to my class and tried to text "I'm going to class," but I hit the send button by accident.

Then He replied back, "Stop texting me or I will take legal action." Beyond shocked and insulted,I immediately began to tear up. Then the tears began to fall and I had to pull over to the side of the road because I couldn't see. Half of me wanted to call and say, "WTF? After all we have been through? How dare you treat me like this." Then the other half of me wanted to throw my phone out the window and at him. I didn't know what to think, say or do. An officer pulled up behind me to see if I needed assistance. "Are you okay mam?" the officer said. "Just want to check and see if you need any help."

I looked up at the officer and took a deep breath. "I'm fine sir, I just my boyfriend just broke up with me and I'm upset." I could see that he was compassionate and then he drove off.

I pulled myself together and continued on with my commute.

Since that day, confusion fills my mind every second, every day and every night. "How could I let this happen? I trusted and believed in him." All the conversations we spent sharing our thoughts, dreams and life experiences, meant nothing. I told him everything, EVERYTHING!!!!!! Letting myself get so close to someone again was my biggest downfall.

All the time and money spent was the least of my worries for I needed to focus on accepting the fact it was indeed, over. I'm very bitter and will never forgive him again. The love he claimed to be true was lust, the promises were lies and the candles were just lighted wax that heated up the room while we engaged in wild animal sex.

For as long as I live, I will never trust again. I gave my heart and I gave my all. That is the best anyone can do. However, every time I picture his face, the words lust,lies and candle wax come to my mind. As meaningless as those words may seem, the moments created around them did mean something even if it was only on my end. I loved, I lost but this time I learned my lesson.