Once upon a heartache

I woke up this morning wondering,"how did I end up here?" My mascara is smeared all over my white satin pillowcase and the pain is left in the creases of my face. There is an uneasy feeling, a shallow presence that fills the room. My eyes are halfway open as I glance over at the TV to see what program is on. Inhaling slowly, I yawn as I attempt to catch my breath.

The curtains are drawn and there is a thin ray of light casting shadows on the wall. Morning has a way of sneaking up on the night. It was a long night for me. I spent hours looking at old pictures and reading old letters from friends and loved ones. The pink lipstick stained the rim of the empty wine glass that was the party favor from my own pity party.

Glancing down at a pile of memories scattered on the floor, I notice one particular letter. I pick it up, unfold it and begin to read it. It said:

Once upon a heartache,

Should there ever come a time when I am reading my own written letter then I know I am alone. It has come to this. All my pain has surpassed anything that sparked any happiness in my life. I will never understand life and why things happen, but I accept what has happened. My mother is gone and will never witness me being happy. The vision, the dream of the two car garage, spacious square footage home, the kids playing in the yard, the husband fixing a flat bicycle tire, the dog pissing on the neighbors lawn and me making grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch has faded away into nothing. Perhaps someone else is living my life. Perhaps I have already lived it in another lifetime. Whatever the case may be, the present time is evidently miserable.

Longing for his embrace,

Angel of the morning



It was depressing to read such disenchanting thoughts. I have a way of expressing misery and it is disturbing at times. Maybe there will come a time when I will read a letter that expresses only joy. Sadly until that day comes, I will just have to pick and choose from a pile of notes that remind me of what I once had. It is until that moment that life, as I know it now, will be addressed as "once upon a heartache."