STONES

Filled with anger, I scooped a handful of sand and stones into my hand as I sat on the bank of the river.



The water was crystal clear and the sun had not yet set. Holding back my tears I threw a small gray stone into the water. Watching it skip, then sink.



Like a child watching fireworks on the lawn of their home, I sat there in the sand confused like attempting to put a jigsaw puzzle together in ten minutes.



I began to cry as I let the memories come back. Remembering wasn't the ignition to my heart it was the acceptance that triggered everything I was feeling at the time. Looking at the sky,then the river, then the sky again, I thought to myself.



All mankind was conceived in a womb, however if only a child could choose their parents. Perhaps there would be a chance for the child, perhaps not. My mother came to my mind as my eyes began to water, not creating tears.



It was the fall of November 2006 when I watched my mother die. I held her hand as she took her last breath. From that day forward, life as I use to know it was a nightmare.



Everyone struggles after losing a parent or loved one. Healing varies and healing takes time. "So why am I sitting here, tossing stones in the river trying to explain my pain? It is absolute nonsense."



The years have come and the years have gone. Looking back I regret some things I have done but not the things that have made me who I am today.



Understanding life isn't always easy, however I know that I am a broken angel that will turn a death into a legacy.



Sniffling and wiping the tears from my face, I stood up with a handful of sand and stones.



"Why did you have to die mother and why did you leave us all in this mess?" I cried out tossing one stone after the other into the river. "You promised you would watch over me, always. Where are you?"



Soon I was out of energy and stones as I dropped to my knees, lost in all despair.



Then suddenly the clouds gathered and the river seemed to stop flowing. I looked up thinking I was blinded by the sun. To my surprise it was my mother, staring down at me like a reflection in a mirror.



"Daughter, I never left you. My spirit left my body but my soul never left my spirit." She said with a heavenly glow. " I will not leave you lonely. I am always with you."



It wasn't like I was afraid. I just couldn't explain what just happened. The clouds let the sun shine through and the river began to flow as always.



I gathered my things and took one last look at all my surroundings. All this time I believed that my mother never heard me cry. For some reason, today she let me know that she did.



Bending down for the last time, I picked up one stone, wiped off he excess sand and stuck it in my pocket. Thereafter, I returned home.



While I was getting ready for bed that night, the stone fell out of my jean pocket. It hit the floor and rolled under my bed. I knelt down and hoped that it was laying near.



Surely it was, but it landed next to an old picture that had been there for awhile after my mother died. I picked up the stone and the picture it just so happen to be lying next to.



It was a picture of my mother playing the guitar when she was nine months pregnant with me. All of a sudden I could almost feel the vibration of the song she was playing.



As I held the stone in my hand, I could feel a warmth of something. Yes it was just a stone, but if that stone did not fall out of my pocket, then I wouldn't have found the picture.



Everything in life happens for a reason. Whatever the case may have been, a simple stone or stones brought me to remember my time in the womb.



It made me rethink about choosing my parents. It made me realize that maybe I just needed to choose the father.