Found Journal

It was just the other day when I came across an old journal of mine. I began to read some of my entries that were dated from October of 2006 to August 2008. Many of them were about my mother who passed away in November of 2006. As I read on, I began to cry. There were so many emotions that came back to me along with so many memories.

November 19th, 2006

The room was silent as the nurses removed the tubes and IV from my mother. You could see the sympathy in their faces as they turned off the life-support system that kept her alive for less than seven hours. After eleven months her battle with lung cancer was finally over. The cancer had won. There would be no more chemotherapy or radiation appointments. The sleepless nights wondering if she would even wake up in the morning. My mother was only 57. She had a loving husband, 3 children and 9 grand-babies. It was the saddest day of my life. It should have been me.
God, why did you take my mom? I know I wasn't the best daughter in the world but I loved her so much. I would give anything just to hear her voice and listen to her ten hour stories. I never realized how much I needed her and now it's too late. She will only remember me as a failure. The exotic dancer who disappointed the entire family. Me and my second husband just divorced and she will never see me happy.
I didn't mean for my life to end up the way it did. Becoming a dancer was something never imagined possible. There was such a promising future for me with my music. What happened? God, please help me get through this night. I miss my mom so much. I wish you could bring her back.